


A Meme a Day Keeps the Demons at Bay

by HPFanGirl99



Series: Of the Blood [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), The Demon (DCU Comics)
Genre: Comedy, Comfort Food, Crying, Dark Comedy, Dark Humor, Depression, Drama, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Ice Cream, Inspired by Tumblr Posts, Jokes, Memes, Minor Injuries, No pairings - Freeform, No sex/smut, Post-Break Up, Tea, TikTok, Vines, gen-z humor, pop culture references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28200615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFanGirl99/pseuds/HPFanGirl99
Summary: Jason Blood and Etrigan discover pop culture. Hilarity and confusion ensue. Series of one-shots all set in the same general universe.
Series: Of the Blood [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1976023
Comments: 99
Kudos: 17





	1. BBQ

**Author's Note:**

> I got a sudden thought of how funny it would be if Jason and Etrigan were fluent in gen-z humor. Like they’re an over 1,000-year-old immortal man and an actual demon from hell, could you imagine? They’d enjoy baffling the older heroes/villains by randomly quoting and/or responding to vines, especially in the heat of a battle. The younger heroes would probably just fucking love them, cause they’re literally one of the only much older adults that gets and goes along with their jokes. 
> 
> I also wanted to practice doing smaller pieces with little to no backstory and/or world-building involved. I’m not very good at writing short pieces, so I figured this would be the best way to go about practicing and doing it. Plus, my mind won’t leave me alone until I write these out.
> 
> Not all of these will be lighthearted and funny, some of them will be a little more serious. Well, I suppose that fits with the type of humor that's being written about here. I’ll try to update this as often as possible, but I can’t make any guarantees.
> 
> Requests are fully welcome! If there is any meme/joke/vine that you want to see featured in here, let me know in the comments and I'll try to make it work!

Jason had to fight back a sigh when John slid onto a barstool next to him. All he wanted was to drink in relative peace once in a blue moon. Was that too much to ask for? Apparently.

“You won’t _believe_ what just happened,” John eagerly exclaimed once a pint had been placed in front of him.

Jason rolled his eyes. “Try me,” he dryly stated.

John grinned impishly at him. “So I’m sitting there,” he started to say, wildly gesturing with his cigarette.

“Barbecue sauce on my titties,” Jason quietly muttered. Zatanna, who was sitting on the other side of him, started choking on her cosmopolitan.

“Wot?” John warily asked, not catching what Jason had mumbled.

“Hmm?” Jason blinked owlishly at John, before flashing him an absentminded smile. “Oh, nothing. You were saying?”

John squinted suspiciously at him, before continuing on with his story. Jason glanced over at Zatanna, who’d finally managed to calm herself down, and mouthed, “Sorry.”

Zatanna glared at him in exasperation, her lips twitching upwards. “You’re horrible,” she lowly hissed. Jason smirked unapologetically back at her, to which she roughly elbowed him in the ribs. “I hate you,” she grumbled halfheartedly.

Jason lazily shrugged at that, before turning back to John, luckily not having missed much of his tale so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is inspired by the quote from Taystee in Orange is the New Black that was turned into [this vine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo9p4Lqaakg).


	2. Simply

Jason didn’t bother looking up from his book at the sound of his window opening. “You do know there’s a door about 100 feet to your right?” he called out.

There was dead silence for a moment as boots hit the carpet. “I need help,” Bruce growled out. And like normal, he didn’t address the comment about manners. Typical.

Jason rolled his eyes, before standing up and facing the man. “Mine or his?”

“Both,” Bruce responded after a few. “I need to go down to hell.”

Jason blinked in surprise, at the same time the corners of his lips curled upwards. “One does not simply walk into hell,” he calmly uttered, staring seriously at Bruce.

Bruce stared back at him with a deadpan expression, crossing his arms over his chest. It didn’t take long for Jason to crack. He spun around and walked towards his bookshelf, a small chuckle escaping him. Once he located the correct tome, he made his way back to Bruce, his grin fading away. “Alright, here’s what we have to do,” he tiredly got out, flipping open the book. “First...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a version of the "One does not simply walk into Mordor" meme from Lord of the Rings.


	3. Garbage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is on a slightly more serious note.

Jason startled at the sound of loud knocks, waking him up from where he was dozing off by the fire. He reluctantly got up from his position of curled up on the couch, wincing as his joints creaked. He shuffled to the door and opened it.

Nimue, John, Raven, and Clark were standing on the other side, worried looks on their faces. The only time people had that expression on their faces when talking to him was when... oh no.

“Hey, Jason,” Clark said in that special voice that he’d grown to hate. He only heard it when others were concerned about his ‘mental health’, or whatever they called it nowadays. Screw them, it’s not like he owed it to people to be cheerful and outgoing 24/7. He was allowed to just sulk about his apartment whenever he wanted without having to explain himself to anyone.

“Are you ok?” John murmured, seeming concerned. When was the last time he’d left the house? He was pretty sure it’d been a week or two. No wonder they were here.

“How are you doing?” Nimue hesitantly asked, worriedly looking him up or down. He probably looked like shit, he realized. He was only wrapped up in only a tattered bathrobe and old slippers, his hair a grungy and disheveled mess.

Raven loudly sighed, giving her companions exasperated looks. “What’s up, you depressed bastard?” she bluntly got out. She rolled her eyes at the horrified and scandalized looks she got from the other three.

Jason felt his lips twitch upwards, frankly preferring Raven’s attitude to the others. “Oh, hi. Thanks for checking in. I’m still a piece of garbage,” he quietly got out after a moment.

He grinned impishly when Raven loudly giggled in amusement, only for it to slip off his face at the alarmed looks he got from the other three. Damn it, that really hadn’t helped his case. Maybe he should lay off the dark humor once in a while, or at least put a little more thought into what situations would be best to use it in.

“It’s just a meme,” Jason tiredly muttered. He turned around and headed back towards the couch. He glanced over his shoulder to find they had reluctantly followed him inside. Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this vine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZUcpVmEHuk) and [this tumblr post](https://fuck-me-hard-and-cut-me--deep.tumblr.com/post/157902743604/dogbun-croptopandapistol-babyegg-when)


	4. Hewwo

Bruce narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the sight of most of the Batfamily huddled together, whispers and sniggers coming from them. He really didn’t want to know what they were getting up to, but clearly, it had to be nothing good.

After a few, Damian separated from the group and made his way over to Etrigan, followed closely behind by Cassandra with her phone out.

Damian stopped in front of Etrigan, who was leaning against a wall and watching everyone. Bruce couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t gone back to hell already. If he had to hazard a guess, Etrigan probably wanted to torment Blood by keeping him in hell a little longer than necessary. Etrigan looked down at Damian after a moment, raising an eyebrow. “Yes?” he grumbled.

Damian quietly giggled, before managing to recompose himself. “I’d do anything fow you, Mr. Etwigan,” he got out in a babyish voice, staring up at Etrigan with wide, puppy-dog eyes.

“Then perish,” Etrigan lazily stated, sounding utterly bored.

Delighted laughter met Etrigan’s deadpan response. “Did you get it?” Dick yelled as he and the rest of the Batfamily ran over to them.

“Look!” Cass shrieked, holding her phone out for everyone to gather around. They all started laughing as they watched the small clip.

Etrigan let out a low huff that almost sounded like a chuckle as he rolled his eyes. He pushed himself off the wall, before muttering the phrase that would take him back to hell. Once a slightly disoriented Jason had reappeared, he was almost immediately surrounded by a bunch of eager teens/young adults.

“Jason! We did it!” Stephanie cried out, shoving Cass’s phone in his face.

Jason raised an eyebrow, before watching the recording. “You have to send it to me,” he eagerly said, widely grinning down at them.

Tim snatched the phone from Steph and started tapping at the screen for a few moments, before handing it back to Cass. “There.”

At the quiet ping a few seconds later, Jason pulled out his own phone. “Thanks,” he distractedly got out. “Zee and Raven are going to flip out when they see it,” he muttered to himself as he began to type away.

From a distance, Bruce and Alfred watched the scene that was playing out in front of them. “What just happened?” Alfred hesitantly got out after a few.

Bruce shrugged his shoulders ever so slightly. “I really don’t want to know. Do you?” he quietly asked.

They looked at each other for a few moments, before quietly sighing in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is from that whole 'hewwo obama rp text message'.


	5. Phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this is slightly longer than the others, but I had to split it up into 2 sections.

Bruce frowned as he stood in Jason’s living room. He’d stopped by to ask for advice on an ancient artifact he’d recently got his hands on, only to find Jason not home. He pursed his lips in thought. Although Jason had undoubtedly switched places with Etrigan, he could just be out at the moment. It was a slim chance, but one he’d take anyway. Grabbing his phone out of his utility belt, he dialed Jason’s number.

Seconds later, he heard the sound of a faintly familiar song coming from the kitchen. Damn it, he knew that Jason kept his phone on him at all times. After a couple of rings, it went to voicemail.

“I’m sorry, but the old Jason can’t come to the phone right now,” Jason’s voice came over the line, sounding rather mysterious. “Why? Oh, ‘cause he’s dead!”

Bruce felt his eyebrows shoot upwards in alarm. What on earth? Suddenly, there was the sound of Jason hysterically laughing.

“Jk, jk,” Jason got out in between giggles, before calming down after a moment.

“I’m probably at my home away from home. You know, in _the other place_?” There was a dark undertone that he’d come to expect out of Jason by now.

“Just leave a message and I’ll try to get back to you eventually,” Jason grumbled out tiredly, before exclaiming with a cheerfulness that was only slightly forced, “Ta-ra!” Moments later, he heard the standard beeps. Bruce left a short message, before snapping his phone shut.

With one last pensive look around, he left Jason’s place.

~

Jason let out a low groan as he materialized back in his apartment. Rubbing his head at the headache pounding away there, he stumbled to the kitchen to make some tea.

As he waited for the kettle to heat up the water, he noticed his phone laying on the counter. He grabbed it, only to startle at the notification that he had several dozen missed calls. What the hell had he missed? Nervously, he clicked on the oldest message, set it on speakerphone mode, and placed the phone back on the counter.

Bruce’s no-nonsense voice came out of the phone. “Could you stop by the Batcave sometime? Got an artifact I’d like some help with.” There was a slight pause, before he added on, “Not time-sensitive or anything, just whenever you get back.”

Ok, that was relatively normal. Maybe the artifact had come alive and was trying to kill everyone? Or perhaps had possessed someone and was trying to take over the world?

Warily, he got up the next message. “Oh my god, Jason!” Dick’s voice suddenly shrieked, causing him to jump a foot in the air in surprise, nearly dropping his phone. “Your voicemail is awesome! Don’t tell me you’re a Swiftie too! The others have gotta hear this, they’re gonna love it!”

A small chuckle escaped him as the anxiety quickly drained out of him. Eyeing the remaining voicemails, he had a feeling he knew what the rest of them were about. Nevertheless, he started listening to the next one.

“I, ah... I want to apologize for what’s about to happen.” It was Bruce again, although his tone was very different from the first message. “I told Nightwing about your voicemail message since I figured he’d find it funny. Well, I... I’m pretty sure half of the hero community is about to call you up to hear it also. Sorry,” Bruce mumbled, sounding sheepish.

Jason grinned in amusement. He’d been wondering how long it’d take for someone to notice his new voicemail; it’d only been up for about a week or two. Grabbing the kettle off the stove, he prepared a cup of tea, before heading back to the living room and settling down in a chair. He contentedly listened to the rest, most from the teenaged and younger heroes eagerly gushing over his voicemail message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a line from Taylor Swift's song ['Look What You Made Me Do'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tmd-ClpJxA) that was turned into a meme.


	6. Dudes

Jason lazily whistled a tune as he walked into the Watchtower. Finding it full of people, he smirked as a thought came to mind. “It is Wednesday, my dudes!” he loudly called out.

His grin widened when multiple people stopped mid-sentence of their conversations and screamed loudly back at him. After a few seconds, as if nothing had happened, they all promptly went back to what they were doing and/or saying.

Jason laughed in delight, high-fiving the closest person to him who’d played along, which was Zatanna.

“What the...” Clark sputtered out after a few, utterly bewildered.

Bruce helplessly shrugged, massaging his temples. “Probably a meme or something,” he muttered tiredly, sending Jason an exasperated glare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this vine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=du-TY1GUFGk)


	7. Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To hopefully clear up any confusion, the following characters will be mostly referred to as:  
> Jason Blood = Jason  
> Jason Todd = Jay

Jason Todd scowled as he sat in the back seat of the Batmobile. “Are we-” he tried to get out, only to be interrupted.

“You say that _one_ more time, Todd, I’m activating your ejector seat,” Bruce irritably growled, gripping the wheel slightly tighter than necessary. This was nearly the hundredth time he’d heard Jay ask ‘are we there yet’ it in the span of about 5 minutes. It was starting to get on his nerves.

Jay crossing his arms over chest, muttering obscenities under his breath.

Jason Blood rolled his eyes from his position of sitting next to Jay. “If you want, I could-” he also tried to say, only to also get interrupted.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Blood?” Bruce snapped out, knowing full well what Jason was about to suggest. “You’re _not_ enchanting the Batmobile to make it go faster.”

Jason grumbled in exasperation. “Just one teensy tiny spell,” he begged.

“No!” Bruce exclaimed, briefly twisting around to glare at Jason. “I’m sure you remember the last time someone cursed the Batmobile. It tried to kill you, me, and Zatanna!”

Jason huffed in exasperation. “That was Brother Night, not me,” he argued. “Come on, I promise nothing bad will happen,” he persuasively said.

They both knew that was a lie, that the chances of something going wrong was very high. “No,” Bruce growled out, his tone leaving no room for arguments.

Jason loudly sighed, slumping in his seat with a faint pout on his face.

To Bruce’s utter relief, the next few minutes of their ride was nice and quiet, as nobody said anything. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long.

Jay’s eyes lit up in delight at what he saw up ahead. “Road work ahead?” he loudly called out at the sight of the traffic sign.

“Umm, yeah, I sure hope it does,” Jason eagerly responded. They let out identical laughter, grinning impishly at each other.

At the loud groan of exasperation that came from Bruce, they exchanged a high-five. “You know what, Blood?” Bruce grumbled, hoping he wasn’t about to regret this. “I’ve changed my mind. Get us there as fast as you can.” He wasn’t sure how much more he’d be able to take of the two of them before losing it.

Jason’s smirk widened in delight, as he cracked his knuckles in anticipation. “You’ve got it! One super-fast Batmobile, coming up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the 'road work ahead' [vine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AYv6rV3NXE) that was later turned into the meme. 
> 
> The only reason I didn’t involve Todd in chapter 4 was I was still trying to figure out the logistics of writing them together. You know, with them sharing the same first name and all. I think I found a decent solution, because constantly referring to them by their last names just feels really strange and impersonal.


	8. Trees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I promised myself I'd try to update this every day. Yeah. Right. Like anyone really believed that would happen. Told myself that if I didn't manage to post at least one chapter a day, that I'd at least try to write something. Then I don't touch my computer in nearly a week. Welp... ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Sorry. I'd promise to try to update more regularly, but I doubt that'll actually happen. I'm posting two chapters to try to make up for it.

Jason loudly sighed as he stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom. Once again, he couldn’t fall asleep. With a sigh, he got up from his bed and put on his shoes and jacket. He might as well get a little exercise if he wasn’t going to be able to get to sleep. Before he exited the house, he placed an invisibility spell on himself. It was essential if he wanted to go about Gotham without having to worry about getting murdered by some random thug.

About an hour later of wandering aimlessly about the streets, mostly lost in his thoughts, he was finally starting to feel tired. Just as he was about to teleport back to his place, he noticed an odd movement out of the corner of his eye. He made his way over to a nearby abandoned warehouse, peering cautiously inside a window. The sight inside made his eyes go wide in surprise.

Bruce and Tim were dangling in the air, tied up with what looked like vines. Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn were standing in front of them and (most likely) monologuing. He stormed into the warehouse, only to realize he was still invisible. He hastily cast another spell to make him visible again.

“Put them down!” Jason loudly yelled at the two Rogues.

Ivy and Harley stared at him for a moment, before rolling their eyes. “And who are you?” Ivy scoffed, looking skeptical.

Jason suppressed an evil laugh a thought came to mind. “I am of the Blood, and I speak for the trees. Let my friends go, or I’ll break your fucking knees.”

There was dead silence for a moment before it was broken by the sound of Tim loudly giggling. Jason fought back the urge to grin at him, forcing himself to keep the severe look on his face.

“Oh my god, Red!” Harley squealed, looking absolutely thrilled. “Did you hear that? He did the Lorax meme at us!”

“I heard,” Ivy tiredly grumbled out, before yelling. “Get him!”

Jason easily dodged the plant vines that shot out at him, easily deflecting the smoke bombs Harley threw at him.

It took little effort to take them down a few well-chosen spells. Once they were temporarily restrained with magic, he helped untie Bruce and Tim.

“I had everything under control,” Bruce snapped out, before heading over to Harley and Ivy.

“Uh huh,” Jason doubtfully got out, before pointedly saying “You’re welcome.” All he got was a low huff in response, which he knew was the closest thing he’d ever get to a thank you from him.

Tim rolled his eyes behind his mask. “Thanks for rescuing us,” he said slightly louder than necessary, giving Jason a wry grin.

“No problem,” Jason easily replied, smirking back at him.

Tim pursed his lips in thought, before asking the question that’d been on his mind this whole time. “Don’t tell me you came up with that on the spot,” Tim teased, feeling a surge of curiosity.

Jason couldn’t help but chuckle. “I wish, but no. I used it on Swamp Thing a couple years ago. You should’ve seen the bewildered look on his face, it was absolutely priceless.” He grumbled ever so slightly at the memory. “Unfortunately, John kinda ruined the threat by laughing his ass off.”

Tim snickered at that. “If it’s any consolation, I laughed too,” he said apologetically.

Jason just lightly shrugged, helplessly grinning at Tim. Just as he was about to make another quip, he was interrupted by Harley loudly yelling out. “Hey! You! Mr. Magical and Mysterious!” Jason startled, before hesitantly turning to look at her. “Yeah, you! Stripey man! Come here! I wanna talk to you!”

Jason warily looked to Tim for help, who shrugged ever so slightly. He made his way over to Harley, stopping a few feet away from her for safety reasons.

Harley grinned widely at him, not seeming the slightest bit bothered at being all tied up, her hands cuffed behind her back. “I dunno who you are, but you seem like you’re cool.” She paused ever so slightly, before turning to Tim and yelling. “Hey, Robbie! Is he cool?”

Tim laughed in amusement, making his way over to them. “Yeah, Jason’s great. He knows _all_ the memes.”

“Sweet!” Harley exclaimed eagerly. “We should totally be friends!”

Jason blinked in surprise, not expecting her to say that. “I... sure,” he said after a moment of thought. Why the hell not? He ignored the withering glare Bruce was sending him as he got out his phone. “What’s your number?”

Bruce watched in utter bewilderment as Jason and Harley proceeded to exchange contact information, feeling a headache starting. At least his one consolation was that Ivy was also staring at them in confusion, and thankfully not making any move to strike up a friendship with Jason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the weird thought that Jason and Harley would totally get along. This is the result of it.
> 
> This is inspired by the 'I am the Lorax' memes.


	9. Bodies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an expansion of the Harley and Jason friendship that was struck up in the previous chapter. Not so much a meme but this was the only thing that I thought could fit this situation.

“Jasey!” Harley eagerly cried out at the sight of the redhead in among the crowd of people gathered at Belle Reve.

Jason looked up at hearing his name, his face lighting up in delight. “Hey Harley!” he called back, waving at her.

Eve watched from nearby with wide eyes as Harley made her way over to Jason. They immediately struck up an enthusiastic conversation, complete with wild hand gestures.

June wandered over, curious as to what Eve was so surprised about. “What’s going on?” She looked over in the direction Eve was, only for her eyes to also go wide. “ _That’s_ the ‘Jasey’ that Quinn’s been texting lately? I dunno who I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t Blood.”

“I got the feeling that we’re going to see some strange things today. Yet all of that will most likely pale in comparison to the fact that _Jason_ is apparently friends with _Harley_ of all people,” Eve eventually managed to get out.

June pursed her lips in thought. “I dunno, it kinda makes sense. He’s got the same dark and twisted sense of humor she does.”

They looked at each other for a moment, before shrugging in unison, and going back to quietly watching the unlikely duo.

A few minutes later, just as there was a lull in the volume of the room, Jason’s voice loudly cut through all conversations. “What if ‘It’s Raining Men’ and ‘Let the Bodies Hit the Floor’ are about the same event, but wildly different perspectives?” Everyone turned in unison to look at Jason, who didn’t seem the slightest bit bothered by the sudden attention.

Eve pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache starting. “I swear to god, Jason, you _have got_ to stop saying weird shit like that all the time. Get a goddamn filter, I’m _begging_ you,” she called out.

Jason merely laughed at that, seeming amused. “You do realize I actually _don’t_ say half of the stuff that comes to my mind?” he responded back, a wide grin on his face. At Eve’s loud groan of exasperation, Jason’s smirk sharpened in amusement.

June rolled her eyes, trying and failing to repress a grin herself. Because that was the scary part, she knew he actually _did_ hold himself back most of the time. She’d lost track of how many times she’d seen Jason’s face light up during a conversation as he thought up a witty joke or reference. He’d start to open his mouth, only to close it a moment later, and then write something down on a pocket notebook he always carried around. Then, he’d begin to... well, she wasn’t sure what exactly to describe it as, but she’d almost call it either _pouting_ or _sulking_. She always found the sight rather comical.

After a few seconds, everyone went back to their conversations. June shook her head fondly at a scowling Eve, who was irritably muttering about mouthy demons and their human hosts. After a moment, she slid away from her and started making her way over to Jason and Harley.

An amused smile curled her face as she listened to them hotly debating as to whether men raining from the skies would be a miracle or horrifying. Apparently, a big deciding factor was the speed at which they fell down. “So, what’s the consensus?” June curiously asked, sidling up to them.

Jason and Harley turned to her with identical bright smiles, before eagerly catching her up to speed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by this [tumblr post](https://nomebonitoaqui.tumblr.com/post/145515445296/just-shower-thoughts-its-raining-men-and) by Just Shower Thoughts.


	10. Bae/Fam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while since I've posted anything. I promise this isn't abandoned, I'm trying to keep updating this on a somewhat regular basis. I still have plenty of ideas for chapters, no worries about that.

Jason woke up to the sound of someone quietly crying. Rolling over, he squinted at his alarm clock, which read that it was slightly past 6am. He closed his eyes, hoping that he was just hearing things. At a particularly loud sob, he reluctantly got out of bed. Putting on a shirt and slippers, he wandered out of his bedroom, following the sound of sniffling to his living room.

“Rae?” He hesitantly got out at the sight of Raven curled up on his couch.

Raven looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. “He broke up with me!” she sobbed out. She hadn’t known what to do after what had just gone down, so she figured she’d talk to Jason. His door was always open to anyone who needed help. At the groggy look on his face and his messy hair, she felt a surge of guilt at realizing she’d woken him up. Damn it, she hadn’t even noticed the time, being a bit of a night owl.

“Who?” Jason questioned, rushing to sit down next to her. “Garfield?”

At the loud anguished wail Raven let out in response, he figured that was as good of an answer he’d get out of her right now. “Shhh, shhh,” he cooed, wrapping his arms around Raven and pulling her into a tight hug. “Just let it out.” He let Raven brokenly sob into his shirt, gently rubbing her back and stroking her hair, softly murmuring soothing things into her ear.

“Can I have some tea?” Raven quietly whispered into his shoulder once she’d finally calmed down and stopped crying. She really needed something warm right now.

A fond smile curled his face at that. “Of course. Tea is the cure for everything.” He used his magic to brew two cups and have them float over to the couch, not wanting to get up and have to try to untangle himself from Raven.

They both took a cup, drinking it in silence. Once they’d finished their tea, Jason finally decided she had hopefully calmed down enough so that he could get the full story out of her. “What happened?” he carefully enquired.

Instantly, tears started welling up in Raven’s eyes again. “Gar, he said that things are just too complicated right now. That dealing with Titans’ responsibilities is too stressful on top of dating. But he hopes that we still can be friends,” she sniffled out miserably.

It’d taken all of her willpower not to burst into tears on the spot when Gar had told her all that. The only thing stopping her was the desire to keep her dignity somewhat intact. That, and she didn’t want to make Gar any more uncomfortable and guilty than he already had been. And she understood his reasons, she truly did. The superhero life was complicated and dangerous, it made being in relationships difficult, even if both of them were heroes.

“Oh, sweetie,” Jason sympathetically murmured, gently brushing a lock of hair out of her face. He bit his lip, not sure if humor would be a good idea right now, before deciding why not. The worst thing that could happen was the joke fell flat. “So, you thought he was bae, but it turns out he just wants to be fam,” he said in a serious voice.

Raven stared at him for a moment, before starting to laugh uncontrollably. “You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better,” she managed to get out between giggles, a wide smile on her face. She didn’t know how he always managed to have a quip or joke ready no matter what the situation was, but it was rather inspiring.

“It’s a gift.” Jason lazily shrugged his shoulders, grinning impishly at Raven, before a thought came to mind. “Wanna get some ice cream? There’s a small shop down the street open 24/7.” Ice cream was always good post-breakup comfort food, and now that he was thinking about it, he suddenly had a craving for some.

Raven blinked in surprise, before eagerly nodding her head. “Sure.” Before going back to the Tower, she’d been planning on stopping by a grocery store to pick up a few gallons, but this was even better. Not that she still wasn’t going to get some for her mini-fridge, she needed to stock up for the next couple of weeks.

A few minutes later they were seated in the shop with ice cream. Not at the outdoor patio seating though, it was safer inside. Well, relatively. This was Gotham after all, few places here were truly safe.

“So, can I curse him?” Jason asked through a mouthful of mint chocolate chip.

Raven rolled her eyes, fighting back a smile. “No,” she replied, absentmindedly stirring her cookies ‘n cream around in the bowl.

“Come on,” Jason dramatically whined, pouting at her.

“Not right now,” Raven conceded after some thought. “If something happens to Gar now, he’ll immediately suspect me as responsible.”

Jason’s face lit up in delight, a faintly cruel grin curling his lips. “Ah, the long con, smart idea. We’ll wait till his guard is down and he isn’t expecting anything. Sounds good, I love the way you think.”

“ _Jason_ ,” Raven warned, glaring at him dangerously.

“What?” Jason smiled sweetly at her, trying to look as innocent as possible.

Raven loudly sighed in exasperation, knowing that when Jason had made up his mind, there was no way of convincing him to take any other course of action. She better lay down a few ground rules, to prevent him from going overboard and actually hurting Gar. She wasn’t _that_ upset with her now ex-boyfriend at the moment.

“I’ll tell you when you can do it. But it can’t be anything painful or too humiliating.” Raven paused ever so slightly, before adding on as a precaution, “And you have to run it by me first before you do anything. No deviations or improvisations once I approve of your plan.” She jabbed her spoon at Jason, a stern expression on her face. “Am I clear?”

“Crystal,” Jason eagerly replied. “You won’t regret this,” he tried to reassure her.

“I already have,” Raven tiredly mumbled, causing Jason to loudly laugh in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this vine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGVy1bzMOG8)


	11. Scooter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated this in a couple of months, unfortunately my inspiration ran dry. But fear not, it eventually returned. I'm _hoping_ to restart posting updates somewhat regularly again. I've got another couple of chapters I'm putting the finishing touches on, they should be coming up within a day or two.

Bruce rolled his eyes at the sound of another loud wail, trying to block out the noise as he worked on the Batcomputer. They’d been on a mission, and Jason had gotten hurt. And like what always happened whenever Jason was around, things got extremely dramatic. He’d checked out the injury himself, and it was _just_ a minor gash on the leg. But by the way that Jason was acting, you’d have _thought_ that he only had a couple more hours left to live.

Upon noticing the cut, Jason had immediately started walking with the most _exaggerated_ limp possible, moaning and wincing every time he took a step. He’d then started up a conversation with Dick and Tim, claiming that the only option left was to amputate his leg. Of course, they had decided to egg Jason on, because they were a couple of brats whose only purpose in life was apparently to annoy him to death. They’d probably noticed that he found Jason’s antics irritating, so they’d decided to play along and make it all that much worse.

Then, _completely_ unsolicited, Jason had decided to give them an impromptu lesson on the history of amputation. Well, alright, it had kinda been interesting and he’d actually learned a few things, not that he’d ever _tell_ Blood that. It’s all been rather morbid and gruesome, but that was par the course when it came to Jason.

Upon making it back to the Batcave, Jason had elaborately draped himself on a couch, where he was still laying as of right now. The rest of the team were loosely gathered around him, seeming amused by his antics.

“Mother, I have fallen off my scooter and require assistance,” Jason unexpectedly called out, eliciting giggles and laughter from everyone.

What the hell? It took him a moment to realize that Jason was probably doing some meme. Honestly, he didn’t know how he managed to remember all this stuff, in order to use it on the drop of a hat whenever he felt a situation called for some humor.

To his exasperation, Steph replied back, clearly playing along to complete up the meme. He briefly glanced over his shoulder, to see that everyone had their phones held up, undoubtedly recording it all. He tried to tune out the sound of the two of them having a ‘conversation’, with little success.

It wasn’t until he heard Steph utter the words “Hydrogen Peroxide,” that he started paying _very_ close attention. Oh no, this was _not_ going to end well, Bruce thought with distant horror. The chances were pretty damn high, of B Jason acting like he was in indescribable pain at having hydrogen peroxide put on his ‘wound’.

“Does it hurt?” Jason hesitantly asked.

Bruce couldn’t help but snort at Steph’s rushed response of “No, no it won’t hurt.” That was a bunch of bull and they all knew it.

He braced himself for the scream of pain that undoubtedly was going to be coming from Jason, and thus only jumped a little bit at the banshee-like screech of ‘agony’. “The hornets of Hades have descended upon me!” Jason declared in a deep stage voice. “I have smelted iron with the Titans touch and forged swords with Chimera's flame!”

Despite himself, Bruce felt his lips twitch upwards in faint amusement. Diana would probably find this funny, he thought after a moment. If anything, she’d most likely get all these references. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve assumed that Jason had gotten all of this from _her_.

“Oh, God,” Steph muttered. Bruce lowly sniggered, and he couldn’t agree with her more.

“But never felt the basilisk's sting like this!” Jason stated in a slightly more mellow tone, which hopefully meant he was starting to finish up. Probably not, but one could still hope.

There was a loud huff that came from Steph. “It stings a little bit but it's not that bad,” she exasperatedly said.

“Lay two tokens on my eyes for the ferryman!” Jason wailed out. “I'm fading to Elysium! I see Bartholomew...” he trailed off.

‘Bartholomew?’ Bruce confusedly thought, only for his question to be answered by Steph’s grumbled response of “Just had to bring the hamster up.” Unfortunately, that only raised another one. Since when had Blood had a pet _hamster_? It must have something to do with the meme, he realized after some thought.

“You're being a little dramatic...” Steph sternly lectured him, although judging by the laughter in her voice, she was obviously struggling to keep a straight face.

“I _am_ the drama!!” Jason boomed out as loudly as he could.

Bruce couldn’t help the bark of laughter that escaped him. “If you’re waiting for someone to disagree with you, Blood, you’re in for a long night,” he absentmindedly called out. Dead silence met him at that, causing Bruce to turn around in confusion, only to find that everyone in the room was staring at him in shock.

“Did he just…” Jason choked out, stepping out of his ‘character’.

“He did…” Dick replied back after a moment.

Everyone stared at each other, before shouting in unison “Batman just made a joke!”

Bruce rolled his eyes in exasperation, before going back to his work, trying to ignore the commotion he’d unintentionally caused. Great, he grumbled to himself. He should’ve just kept his mouth shut like he normally did. Now he was _never_ going to hear the end of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on this [TikTok](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Elo3AB00bRg)


End file.
